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Monday, May 25, 2009

Bollocks' EPL season reviewed club by club


How they did this year: Manchester United. League Champs

Over-rated: Rooney, sorry I’m an Everton supporter and cannot ever say anything nice here – he can do more than he does.

Under-rated: Foster; Fletcher

Best Transfer: Berbatov

Best Youth: Macheda

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Neville, just needs to retire, faithful old injured servant.

What must they do to be successful next year: Same song, second verse. Need to continue to replace aging players, or under-performing ones.


How they did this year: Liverpool 2nd and should have done better.

Over-rated: Mascherano

Under-rated: Benayoun

Best Transfer: Kuyt

Best Youth: Babel

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: N’gog

What must they do to be successful next year: Stop the manager fron scrapping with the owners, who need to settle rumours of their financial problems so the team can settle down, and for goodness sake find Torres a better strike partner.


How they did this year: Chelsea 3rd and FA cup finalists

Over-rated: Ballack

Under-rated: Malouda

Best Transfer: Anelka

Best Youth: Mancienne

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Chelsea have a habit of waiving defenders one they get a little long in the tooth so while Ashley Cole still has many years to play in the Prem perhaps he is no longer good enough to fir in a top-four team

What must they do to be successful next year: Find a way to get Anelka and Drogba on the field at the same time. Perhaps a new manager, as one is expected, will bring some new tactics to let this star-studded team flow a little better.


How they did this year: Arsenal 4th. They survived a period at the end of the year of losing, but knowing that neither r team below them could catch them in points, but that they could not catch the top three teams either. Fourth is not bad.

Over-rated: Amunia

Under-rated: Van Persie

Best Transfer: Arshavin

Best Youth: Walcott

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Gallas, past his prime and too temperamental to be captain. Perhaps an up and-comer in the Championship might desire his knowledge like WBA

What must they do to be successful next year: I don’t believe they will challenge for anything more than a top ten spot in the league next year. There is a growth period coming, a lack of money to buy new and talk of Adebayor moving to Chelsea. This hard working dedicated group, susceptible to injury this past year will struggle a little, especially trying to keep up with Europe, and if they fall outside of the Big Four may just lose their manager too.


How they did this year: Everton 5th and FA cup finalists.

Over-rated: Yobo

Under-rated: Osman

Best Transfer: Fellaini

Best Youth: Rodman

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Van der Meyde; Valente

What must they do to be successful next year: Stay healthier longer. Last two seasons have seen an interruption of flow due to injuries and the squad is too small to support that type of loss. For the last half of the season midfielders have been masquerading as strikers, reasonably successfully, so perhaps a top 4 position would have been in their grasp if the squad was stronger. Would like to see them bring in a sturdy midfielder like Huddleston from Spurs.


How they did this year: Aston Villa 6th. Switched off one too many times. Needs a little more consistency. Qualified for the Europa League.

Over-rated: Harewood

Under-rated: Barry

Best Transfer: Milner, L. Young

Best Youth: Albrighton

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Guzman should leave to gain experience. He is doing his international status no good on the bench. There are plenty of Championship teams he can earn a living at.


What must they do to be successful next year: Keep Heskey healthy. He is worth a ton of goals. Will really miss Laurensen as captain as he is retiring. They need to find a strong leader for the back line. Perhaps Micah Richards would flourish under O’Neills tutelage, though the manager has his eyes on Lescott. I expect them to be challenging for Europe again 2010.


How they did this year: Fulham 7th Qualified for the Europa League

Over-rated: Konchesky

Under-rated: Murphy

Best Transfer: Schwarzer

Best Youth: Omozusi

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Gera

What must they do to be successful next year: They took a run of luck in the Europa league to give their players some experience because the team is not strong enough, even with as wily a fox as Hodgson is as a manager, to compete for the top four in the Prem. Top ten next year is a possibility.


How they did this year: Tottenham 8th. Had a strong finish under difficult circumstances that had found them in the bottom five at one time.

Over-rated: Woodgate

Under-rated: Modric

Best Transfer: Keane

Best Youth: Huddlestone

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Gomes; Pavlyuchenko

What must they do to be successful next year: On paper they challenge for top 7 status next year. Redknapp taking over as manager gives them the edge they were looking for, and perhaps strengthening the defense as King and Woodgate ain’t going to be strong enough next year.


How they did this year: West Ham 9th. Over-achieved

Over-rated: Green

Under-rated: Noble

Best Transfer: Tristan

Best Youth: Sears

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Bowyer

What must they do to be successful next year: Even with Zola in charge I see this team struggling to get in the top ten. Financially they will struggle and the helpers they bought in to shore up a weakened side are slow and a year older. It will be 3-5 years before this team is able to break in to the top part of the table again.


How they did this year: Manchester City 10th but they under performed and should have been challenging the top six.

Over-rated: Benjani

Under-rated: Ireland

Best Transfer: Jo, and they loaned him out!

Best Youth: Richards

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Vassell; Dunne; Mills: Haman

What must they do to be successful next year: Find a way to make this group of super-stars gel and get into the top six. Out of the also-rans out there they, on paper, stand the best chance. A slow start will see Hughes will get his marching orders. They need to trash their entire defense except for Bridge. Sell Richards to Arsenal for some super tutelage and get him back in the England fold. Dunne is done, Mills too... too old for the Prem. Strengthening the defense will give the elite strikers a chance to work better.



How they did this year: Wigan 11th. How often can Bruce pull a miracle out of the hat?

Over-rated: Bramble

Under-rated: Kirkland

Best Transfer: Cattermole

Best Youth: Watson

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Koumas; Cho; Zaki

What must they do to be successful next year: Find momentum and consistency. Manager Steve Bruce seems to always find a way to shuffle players and survive, and that is all they will do next year unless they can bring in a proven striker and get a good start to the season. Sorry Wigan I peg you for bottom five next season.


How they did this year: Stoke, 12th survived their first year back with a mid-table showing and that is commendable. They have a strong manager in Pulis and until they bought in Beattie one of the tallest squads in the Prem on average.

Over-rated: Olofinjana

Under-rated: Etherington

Best Transfer: Beattie

Best Youth: Pugh

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Tonge, needs to go back to the Championship

What must they do to be successful next year: Find away to win six more games and challenge for a mid-table spot. With rivals from the Midlands, Birmingham City and Wolverhampton Wanderers in the Prem next year they could get overshadowed.


How they did this year: Bolton 13th. Always a hard team to beat at home they felt a little short of their toughman image the last few games of the season and it probably lost them the top ten berth I thought they deserved.

Over-rated: Muamba

Under-rated: Cahill

Best Transfer: Habsi

Best Youth: Obadeyi

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Samuel, McCann

What must they do to be successful next year: Find a proven goal scorer to take the target off of Davies' back.


How they did this year: Portsmouth 14th. Tough year with survival down to the last few weeks.

Over-rated: Campbell

Under-rated: Pennant

Best Transfer: Pennant

Best Youth: Kilbey

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Nugent; Kanu

What must they do to be successful next year: With James injured and aging, a strong reserve ‘keeper is needed, perhaps Hart from Man City as an under-study and replacement. Most of the defense is aging and a stronger youth/reserve team is needed to draw from if they hope to stay in the Prem next year.


How they did this year: Blackburn 15th. It would have been worse if Ince had stayed as manager. He just didn’t mesh with this team (though I think he will succeed at the right team eventually). Bringing in Allardyce helped them stabilize as he is great and bringing out the best in mediocre players.

Over-rated: Roberts

Under-rated: Nelson

Best Transfer: Robinson

Best Youth: Doran

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Tugay Kerimoglu

What must they do to be successful next year: This squad will never be more than a middle of the road, bordering on top-ten status, unless Allardyce can pull off a miracle. McCarthy is getting a little long in the tooth, and their hard-working defense needs to be shored up. Bringing back Derbyshire from on-loan at Olympk will provide some needed speed to the midfield.


How they did this year: Sunderland 16th. They were lucky to hang up through the final couple of games

Over-rated: Jones

Under-rated: Malbranque

Best Transfer: Ferdinand

Best Youth: Waghorn

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Diouf; Yorke

What must they do to be successful next year: Get a strong manager and then find a strike force, Cisse was on loan but never was the leader they needed up front. Bottom five again next year


How they did this year: Hull 17th Needed final day failures from other teams to survive. Their fast start to the season paid off in the long run

Over-rated: Boateng

Under-rated: Zayette

Best Transfer: Bullard

Best Youth: Cooper

Player that can no longer hack playing in the Premiership: Barmby; Kilbane; Windass

What must they do to be successful next year: They can’t. Will always be a perennial bottom 5 club.


Newcastle: 18th The club needs to re-gain it's pride, get a strong youth team, hang on to the core group of players, and buy well with the talent they have to off load. They will be back next season.

Middlesbourgh: 19th It will be a long time before we see them in the top strata of football again.



West Brom: 20th. Weak. Goodbye.











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"In this world a great deal of the bitterness amongst us arises from an imperfect understanding of one another". Dickens.
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